by Fr. Tommy Lane
In August 1999 an article was published in Readers Digest commenting on the difficulties of parents. In the course of the article the author remarked that she still remembers a piece of advice she heard some years earlier which continues to inspire her to give her best to her children. It was given by Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa had given a speech about her work with the sick and dying and orphans in India. Afterwards, a member of the audience, who seemingly wanted to assist her in her great work, asked, “You have done so much to make the world a better place. What can we do?” Mother Teresa smiled and simply said, “Love your children.” Not pleased with her answer, the questioner was about to speak again when she raised her hand and said, “There are other things you can do, but that is the best. Love your children. Love your children as much as you can. That is the best.”
That is indeed beautiful and inspiring advice. Not only is it beautiful and inspiring advice for parents but for everyone because we are all called to love. You might ask, “How do we love?” There are many possible answers but one answer is given to us in our second reading today where Paul writes, “I . . .urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” (Eph 4:1-3) Paul implores us to lead a life worthy of our call. Our call is to love. That is the vocation of a Christian.
In the words of Paul I could say, “Live in a manner worthy of being a parent, a wife or husband, a son or daughter.” A good parent, or spouse or child is one who builds up and gives encouragement. Parents give money to their children but good parents give their children something more. What do good parents give their children more than parents do? The following (edited version of the original by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.) gives some of the answer:
If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty
On the other hand when we uplift and encourage children we help them for life:
If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.
If children live with
encouragement,
They learn confidence.
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.
If children live with fairness,
They learn justice.
If children live with security,
They learn to have faith.
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance
and friendship,
They learn to find love in the world.
That advice is also beautiful, not only useful for parents, but useful for everyone in all of our dealings with others:
If we encourage people, we will
boost their confidence.
If we praise people they will be
more appreciative.
If we treat people fairly they
will experience justice.
If we approve of people they will
not feel inferior.
If we accept people and are
friendly with them, they will be loving.
Paul says, “Bear with one another through love” (Eph 4:2), in other words, love each other. Is everything we do done to love and help others? Or do we sometimes try to put other people down and hurt and injure them by what we say, or by our attitude? Some years ago someone described a country parish in a way that I have not forgotten just as the writer in the Readers Digest did not forget the advice for parents. The definition of a rural parish in Ireland that I heard is this, “We have the faith but we’re no angels.” In various different parishes around the country you would hear about dreadful hurtful things being said. We have to solve problems but inciting quarrels is not the way of love, not the way of a Christian. Our second reading states, “ I. . .urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” (Eph 4:1-3)
If we encourage people, we will
boost their confidence.
If we praise people they will be
more appreciative.
If we treat people fairly they
will experience justice.
If we approve of people they will
not feel inferior.
If we accept people and are
friendly with them, they will be loving.
“I . . .urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” (Eph 4:1-3)
Copyright © Fr. Tommy Lane 2000
This homily was delivered in a parish in Ireland.
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